Jack Gleeson on Celebrity Culture

Pretty great.

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quick reflex on goin private on twitta

Quick relfecx on going private

I went private because I am getting bored on twitter and I haven’t done it before thought id try it out

So here’s some quick thots:

  1. I get no RTs now. That’s a weird thing to ‘give up’ I guess? Idk.
  2. I behave 100% no different as private (so far) but maybe that’s bc its still all the same old followers? Mine is not a tiny account for gripes and stuff mostly I have escaped attention through Bayesian flooding – too much noise to make sense of any one thing that might “get me in trouble” with anyone I guess?
  3. Tons of my friends have no got multiple thousands of followers, even 10s of thousands, and sometimes that’s being a hassle. I said I was happy with my 1900 and I also wanted to see if that really was the case, whether “swearing off” the social-audience-growth elements of a twitter account would mean a “loss” to me in any way???? Can the “exclusivity” of a highly followed private acct do anything a public account can’t in terms of cultivating an audience – or a niche????
  4. I have been disengaging a bit from twitter for a while, just from exhaustion and boredom – a confluence of being overworked and mad stressed, and also from kind of being bored of twitter having the same arguments, the same kinds of engagements, the same slightly misconstrued miscommunications. I guess I’m getting a little tired of the knee-jerkyness of twitter sometimes too. Like maybe this is part and parcel of me trying to do really deep thinking in my thesis and twitter is not really helping that habit/desire/need etc.
  5. going private means NO ONE who doesnt follow you will see tweets you send to them. in one sense this encourages disengagement but in ANOTHER sense I now want to tweet shit at people and only my followers will see it?? prviate jape???? (theres potential here but idk what it is)
  6. Plus, god I hate saying this I love you all, but fuckin hell I follow some iditios on titter
  7. What is my theory of social change? Ann Deslandes asked this on twitter a while back and I guess I don’t have a good idea, but I guess I thought (think?) it involves some kind of role for myself as a public person, public intellectual, well what if there isn’t room to do that justice on tiwtter or in public anywhere in the parts of public life that correspond to Jodi Dean’s description of ‘communicative capitalism’ stuff – endless circulation, all content, no message ever responded to??? (but even that is a particular critique only applies to, I guess, governmetns or states??? Not to individuals and small groups or corporations?? Cf. the Mozilla CEO – Mary Hamilton had the best take)
  8. Graeber argues that the Axial age advent of coinage (and the military/imperial/commercial complex that grew up around it) as having the effect of somehow giving birth to, or encouraging materialism is really fucking disturbing and giving me the heebee jeebies. Its like putting on the glasses in They Live and seeingthe ideology, but it’s also strangely, what I’ve been trying to conclude in my thesis and its really just leaving me with MORE questions about my role, my thinking, my aesthetics and what I do in practise…
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Reminder

This is perhaps the greatest game ever made, all attempts to top it are in vain. Give up on your puny pathetic games now. Thus spake the 10rd.

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Friday/Saturday night

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Sam Allen on ‘what misandry means to me’

i hate men doesn’t mean i hate you. it means i hate your position in this world. it means i’m not obligated to like you. it means i don’t have to talk to you if i don’t want to. it means i get to have my space and i don’t have to dance for you, smile at you, or soothe you. and you can put up with me being wary of you, can’t you, because the world has a fucking red carpet waiting for you wherever you go.

Incredible, moving stuff, and the kind of thing that it took to really get through to me back-in-the-day. I do feel bad tho, knowing how many people out there just will not get this, and will not understand it, will not comprehend the depth of meaning and the nuance and, above all, i guess something like the literary character of this piece… that’s not to say that it’s only to be read literarily, or as an allegory or something – i read it as entirely sincere. but there’s a performative element, and element that maybe derrida would jizz over and say was “unrepreesntable” or something like that god fucking dammit why does everyone have to be so literal, so bloody minded all the time idk idk idk sping around three times and touch the ground bags not it.

its a worthy piece.

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R.I.P.

Screen Shot 2014-03-29 at 3.29.53 pm(Actually this isn’t a particularly great snapshot of what i’ve been working on, more like the stuff I wish I had time to be working on)

 

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Cool thing about all those mysterious “banned” pokemon eps

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Gaem of Lief

Probably the best of these type of video I’ve seen. But also the music suuuuuucks so…

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Closer

This song was pretty crucial in helping me reach escape velocity from evangelical christianity, back in the day (the original, obviously, not this cover). I’m not kidding.

Closer by NIN – Covered by Kawehi from Kawehi on Vimeo.

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gdc aftermath

if someone asked me right now and forced me to answer honestly, “will you miss gdc?” i would have to answer “not especially.” this is not because it wasnt good or great or amazing – it certainly was all those things at times for me. and its not because i wont miss the people, because i will. instead its because i cannot really have normal human responses right now. as ive mentioned to a couple of people, i am just so completely overwhelmed and overshadowed by the entire thesis object, which looms over and above me, blocking out all the light and any ability to see and live normally. i have been living with it, in this final interstitial “finishing” phase, for over a year now and it has restricted my ability to anticipate and enjoy anything fully. its a terrifying gradual process and i had no idea what i was getting into when i started… i had no idea this was going to be the result. I cant even imagine how long or what it will take to get me back to being me again. such is its force that it prevents me from envisioning credibly anything post-phd… maybe it will only take a day, or a week, from handing it in. whatever, dont go having any strong feelings about my situation either, its no ones fault but mine and its not the end of the world… its just a numbing, a deadening of the sensory responses by the always present knowledge that it’s not yet done. it literally sucks all my ability for anticipation because i literally want nothing else more than for it to be done. but that want is not a fiery want, its more like a smouldering coal fire, deep underground that changes the geological makeup of the local environment. there might not be much felt heat or smoke, but its there… underground… waiting… working…

also theres something a bit disenchanting about being at GDC without having done anything really vital in the scene for so long. i didnt really have anything to tell people about or discuss excitedly. im not making a game, not reviewing games, not even critiquing games, barely even publishing about games… its fine, im pivoting, but its weird. its always been weird. who the hell am i in games anyway? who was i and who will i be? are these questions even worth asking? …

shoutouts to some amazing people this week who managed to penetrate even my soporific stupor: richard lemarchand who literally brings tears to my eyes when i think about him sometimes. harry lee who provokes similar feelings and admiration. my friend brendan keogh who is basically a rock of a human being, does anything upset that man? who can say. michael abbott who is a fucking rock star. laura parker who is completely and utterly fearless and charming. kris ligman who deserves a better world than this one.

shout outs to everyone i hung out with and shout-outs to all the other really cool people who i didnt get to spend as much time as i would have liked to, too many to name, too many to note.

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